A first article was written to lay the foundations, in which you will already find a good number of answers to your questions such as:
- Match one, two, three patterns, colors together
- What color for a summer wedding suit? And for a winter wedding?
- Can you wear black?
- How to wear a bow tie properly?
And many other questions.
If you are the groom , you will find something to satisfy your mind by reading this other article written for you.
If you are invited , then this is where it happens .
Happy reading!
It's an honor.
I don't see it any other way and I imagine you don't either. He or she didn't get down on one knee to ask you to be the best man at his or her wedding, but still, it was a little emotional moment. A hug, a shiver of friendship and it ends like it always does: at the bar.
Happy fellows, ready to party after the ceremony.
And then if you're the father of the groom, I think that must still tickle the feelings, right ?
In short, this honor implies that your outfit is successful. You have no choice. You would not want to embarrass the future bride and groom. You want to live up to it.
Well, here's how to do it.
Communication is the key
Yes, we need to talk. It's the key to a successful marriage. Because life isn't about sitting back and watching the trains go by. Life needs to be taken by the horns, like a hysterical bull... But that's not the point.
Communicate with the groom.
Often, you know even before he tells you what kind of outfit he'll choose. You know if he's more of a tailcoat or a ponytail person.
But then, one can always be surprised. It is possible that the future groom wants to up the game of his elegance with a surgically cut three-piece suit while, the rest of the time, he hangs around in Sergio Tacchini jogging pants or dresses casually. And that is commendable!
So, two outcomes for you:
- Either the husband or the bride imposes something on you
- Either they let you fly on your own
If your outfit is imposed on you
Congratulations, you just have to let yourself be carried by the all-powerful will of this demiurge couple. And thus avoid their wrath.
On paper, it sounds reassuring. There's nothing else to do but admire the scenery while waiting for the big day.
And then, afterwards, we are given a liberty bow tie, a liberty pocket square and liberty suspenders too, all cut from the same fabric because "it's a wedding, you have to be chic!" And there... in front of the future groom, you feel them coming, they are uncontrollable, the tears of shame. Hot and heavy tears that pierce the ground as they fall. It is true despair.
You pretend to have a sudden and fulminating allergy before isolating yourself in the toilets .
Well seen, but we will have to act.
NEVER DO THIS! Even if you are asked to. Beware of the panoply effect, it is devastating.
My position: this is not a fancy dress party and you too should have the right to the dignity of presenting yourself well to everyone and especially to your own eyes.
My second position: you should respect the choice of the bride and groom .
This is called a paradox.
So how do we do it?
We have our backs to the wall, we are still crying. Should we give up on coming? Cowardly abandon the wedding and pretend to have an urgent job on the other side of the world? In any case, he is marrying the wrong person... Well, as surprising as it may seem, no. It is a challenge that life sends you and you have the shoulders to meet it. So dry your tears and get back on the saddle, my little man!
My recommendation: wear the liberty bow tie yes, but swap the matching pocket square for a simple white one and ditch the suspenders. But above all, find the courage to talk to the groom about it, he needs to know. You would be a bad best man or father if you broke his rule without telling him.
So, the steps to follow if you find that what is imposed on you is in bad taste: use your critical mind but show a little submission all the same.
Afterwards, you can absolutely - if you have more advanced notions of style than the bride and groom and the other witnesses - advise the groom in advance. If you don't do this, you will then enter a negotiation phase that requires tact, diplomacy and patience.
Here's how to do it. Break up the set that's being handed to you by opting for only the Liberty pocket square (for example) and a tie whose color echoes the first.
(Lookbook Faubourg Saint Sulpice)
What I would probably do if I were the groom:
Choose a light green tie for me (for example) and a dark green tie for my witnesses. So same color but different tones.
The classic mandatory outfit
Even someone as eccentric as Elton John had to abide by etiquette at the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.
(Photo by Danny Martindale/FilmMagic)
Etiquette and dress codes are there so that you can flourish through the absence of choices. It is still comfortable to not worry about anything and follow a list. Thus, you will necessarily be well dressed, if you follow the established rule.
Well. That being said, sometimes brides and grooms have a somewhat truncated vision of what constitutes classic wedding attire. They break away from certain things and develop their own interpretation of things that should not suffer from any alternative.
If your outfit is loose…
1. If you have no information: take the lead
Ask the groom if there is a flower in the boutonniere. Insist if he doesn't know. And if there isn't one: maybe it would be appreciated if you took the step yourself by choosing for all the witnesses and fathers (and the groom if he doesn't have one but you will choose white gardenia instead) the same white carnation worn in the boutonniere. This way, you won't need to define a particular dress code with the others and can dress as you please.
Please confirm that the bride and groom are not against this idea. Your arguments:
- It's pretty
- It sets you apart in a stylish way...
- ...and creates a bond between the witnesses, the fathers and the groom
- It can be a topic of discussion if the table is quiet.
- It can help with those 4am cravings.
But again: this carnation must be of reasonable size. The decoration must not take precedence over your bet. You did not come to sell flowers.
It is certainly a fake buttonhole but its size is reasonable and its color delicate.
(Edie & Watson at Cinabre)
Well, that's one thing done. But that doesn't tell us how you're going to dress.
2. If you can: find out
How is the groom dressed? If he doesn't know, again, insist on finding out.
The equation is always the same: achieve the same level of formality as the groom but with different means .
In fact, you should differentiate yourself from him with the color of the suit for example. Or a different tie.
If the groom is in a three-piece suit and tie or bow tie
So, wear a two-piece suit in a different color than his, tie, sober pocket square, dress shoes. ? As for patterns, shades and what you can and cannot do, I invite you to read the very first article which lays the foundations.
Here's an example of what you could do.
If the groom is in a two-piece suit and tie or bow tie
So, put in a coin. Ah, what a joke! Same answer as before.
If the groom is in a mismatched suit and tie
It depends.
For example, if he's wearing a blue blazer, a sky blue shirt, a tie, light gray pants, and black shoes, that's still pretty formal, so wearing a sober suit and tie can be considered not going too far.
Interpretation of the mismatch by Matthias, our community manager.
BonneGueule Costume.
However, if he wears chinos, a blazer, a shirt and tie, and derby or casual shoes, follow him. In every way.
If the groom does not wear a tie or bow tie
He is wearing an open shirt and a suit. You should not wear a tie. Imitate him, with a different color of suit. The pocket square is welcome if it remains sober.
You could even swap the tie or bow tie for a silk scarf.
BonneGueule Costumes.
He's wearing a shirt and chinos. Do the same here too.
It's quite simple.
3. The groom chooses a classic outfit but doesn't impose it on you
If the groom is in a tuxedo, then you should be too. And not just you, but all the witnesses and fathers of the bride and groom.
Can we refuse the jacket?
You can refuse it , but I would say that if one of the witnesses or fathers refuses to wear the jacket, maybe we should abandon the idea. A dress code only makes sense if everyone follows it, right?
At the limit, it seems to me that if the fathers wear it and the witnesses do not, it is still acceptable. But it is hard to imagine one of the fathers in formal attire and the other not and, in the same way, a witness overdressed when the others are simply in city suits.
However, if the ties are harmonized, the eyelet is on everyone's buttonhole, then perhaps we can leave it up to them to wear the morning suit or not. But I am rather against it because it shows too many disparities when the point is to bring people together.
4. Imposed theme but free outfit
I'm talking about a theme like "bohemian chic", or "playful countryside", "straw in the hair", "tough love on the farm" or the ineffable "cannibal chic". Well, as a witness or father, you have to follow the theme obviously.
If the wedding is casual, you could very well dress like this gentleman Kévis Manzi.
As for choosing your outfit, which is free: don't let yourself be consumed by this theme, don't fall into disguise but respect it, while keeping in mind to never dress better than the groom, while making sure that it is seen that you are the best man or the father of the groom.
What a headache. That's why, no matter how formal the wedding is, I find that a boutonniere is always a good idea because it makes an elegant statement.
Your outfit for lunch the next day
We're getting back to normal.
Besides, the groom will surely be only too happy to be able to put on his sneakers again. So don't feel guilty about doing it either. Your outfit could be:
- A casual shirt (oxford for example)
- A chino (beige for example) or a pair of jeans
- Loafers, derbies or sneakers depending on your taste
- In winter, we put a nice stitch on top and that's it.
If the wedding was not traditional, I have no objection to you coming dressed like that to lunch the next day.
(General Office Lookbook)
The final word...
It's simple, isn't it? You just have to let yourself be carried away by the will of the couple who are getting married.
Well, it's simple, unless they have bad taste. Or are wrong. And then you'll have to point them in the right direction. Use your charms if you have to!
In the last article, we will see the case of the wedding guest. The guest is released into the wild without sometimes knowing what fauna and flora he will find there. The challenge of clothing is therefore great for him who must not be better dressed than the groom but integrate without difficulty into a register of formality that he does not necessarily know in advance...
