Summary
The challenges of a first romantic date Benoît's advice: the basics of style for a first date If it's a Tinder / Happn / AdopteUnMec date If it's a blind date: a blind date If it's a classic date with a girl met in the evening If it's a girl met at an opening? If it's a work colleague My conclusion on first date styleBenoît's disclaimer:
As you know, we have always really liked the blog Le Sociologue, where Steeve Bourdieu describes with a lot of humor (and reflection) his daily life, made up of encounters of all kinds. We wanted to invite him to write on the subject, because even if BonneGueule is absolutely not a seduction coaching site (and never will be), talking about clothes and style without broaching the subject at least once, that would be very, very petty of us.
If, initially, we wanted to make it a mainly humorous article, with Luca, we ultimately wanted to combine business with pleasure by providing some concrete advice. Please note, we are certainly not seduction coaches, simply normal people, with a normal love life, and we share with you our very modest point of view on this big subject of male/female relationships, through our passionate lives. clothing. That’s it, look no further 😉
The challenges of a first romantic date
That's it. After a few months of good and loyal service, your single person will perhaps hang up his gloves. Tonight is your first date of the year... And we'll share our advice with you to make it go as smoothly as possible! Let's look at the following graph together to better understand the issues:
As you can see, wearing outfits that are too rough (like a Scottish kilt) could harm you. On the other hand, your humor, your good face and a wise choice of look are determining elements for a successful first date . As you will have understood, for many of us, we will have to focus everything on clothes.
The problem: there is no miracle recipe . Damage.
However, I will still give you my stylistic recommendations to approach this first meeting with serenity and increase your chances of triumph.
Note from Benoît:
I would still like to emphasize the importance of clothes if you want to win the heart of a young lady, because everything is really very relative. Wearing extremely simple and sober clothes has never stopped anyone from finding a girlfriend, and fortunately! The “power look” is great, but the day your self-confidence depends on it, it’s too much. Dress to seduce, why not, but clothes are anything but a crutch: they will never replace your good humor and your desire to discover others.
And then dressing for flirting purposes is totally pointless, because you will never have a consensus. That blazer and that shirt that you like to wear so much because you think it gives you a "classy" look, one woman may find it very elegant, while another will find it too strict and too formal... And still a young lady would come to have this kind of reflection, nothing is lost. Take for example the story of Luca's girlfriend, who admitted to him that his bomber jacket was too "young" (even though they are living happy days today).
Ultimately, the only thing you can do is dress the way YOU want to, with the goal of showing the "real" you, not the one who searched for the most optimal outfit to arouse interest. desire in a girl. Clothes are there to convey your taste and your world, that's how they should be used to meet your future bride. (In short, it was the personal development minute made in BonneGueule).
Benoît's advice: style basics for a first date
In any case, here is a small list of essential basics for going for a drink with a lady. This is really the bare minimum:
- All clothing should be the right size and cut for you, of course. Women hate clothes that are too big on guys, if there's one thing you need to be careful about, it's this.
- I've already talked about it, but watch out for the black shirt . You would be surprised to see to what extent this item of clothing can raise hell among women, who often accuse it of being the item of clothing for Saturday night flirting. It is therefore a piece with connotations, to be handled with caution. Chambray shirt, Oxford shirt, denim shirt, there is no shortage of alternatives!
- We don't talk about it much on BonneGueule, but pay a little attention to your hairstyle . A good cut, a little wax, and that's enough! And take care of your oily hair...
Robert is having trouble getting his hair done. Oily hair = kills love.
- a few well-chosen accessories are not too much, they bring a very welcome touch of spontaneity. A few small discreet bracelets, a pretty watch (not too ostentatious), a micro-patterned scarf, a beautiful patinated belt...
- Finally, be uncompromising about the quality of ironing your clothes. A wrinkled collar that sits on top of a jacket isn't very glamorous. The “ironing” box should therefore be checked before going out...
If it's a Tinder / Happn / AdopteUnMec date
Regardless of the dating application used, there is a good chance that your affinity was, above all, the result of a reciprocal physical attraction on the basis of a more or less reliable photograph . The challenge will therefore be to highlight yourself so as not to be disappointed. But don't make a fuss: it's also important to stay consistent with your style so as not to confuse your partner on the big day.
Imagine the embarrassment if you have sold yourself as a tattooed and muscular rebel guy and you go to this date dressed - like the ideal son-in-law from Cap Ferret - in a magenta polo shirt coupled with a sweater raspberry on the shoulders and “mochecassins” (= ugly moccasins)... Your interlocutor would ask for compensation.
The look recommendation:
Stylish casual!
- A chambray or oxford shirt. The base.
- Chinos that will hug your little ass.
- A little elegant and stylish BOGOSSE teddy. In order to show that you are an elegant and stylish BOGOSSE.
- A pair of sneakers. Warning: unlike Snickers, sneakers cannot be eaten! #shade #LOL
Avoid being too sophisticated for a first date. Leave the tie and bow tie at home (unless you work as a butler!). For what ? Because you have to show that you are used to going on dates one after another, that this date is nothing exceptional for the seductive guy that you are... This controlled nonchalance (or sprezzatura ) must be felt in your appearance. This is how you will make the difference (especially against a butler who tries to cheat thanks to his tie!).
Note from Luca:
The first outfit is very important when you meet someone on a dating site or app, it's the first thing the person looks at. Your outfit will confirm, or not, her clothing expectations about the man she saw in photos.
For my part, I met my girlfriend in a teddy and white t-shirt. Quite frankly, if you're not over 35, this is an all-purpose outfit that you can't take any risks with. Don't choose colors that are too bright if you don't want to look teeny. Well, a few months later, she finally admitted to me that she found my outfit too "young" (my teddy was red...).
Note from Benoît:
It's difficult to find the right balance in this kind of case. A blazer is almost too formal depending on your age. You'll have to go for the unmistakable "casual chic": a casual shirt, well-cut pants/jeans, a pair of sneakers or ankle boots, and off you go.
Also pay attention to two “false friend” styles: workwear and streetwear. If we can think that workwear is the virile style par excellence, it is very easily misunderstood by the fairer sex, who only see loose clothing and slightly chunky shoes.
Likewise, if streetwear demonstrates your taste for hype and trends, it can quickly become too adolescent, even if you struggled to nab this Wtaps jacket or these Roar pants (two Japanese streetwear brands).
As for the styles that I strongly advise against for a first date: dark and rock. The dark, because it's not easy to understand the approach of a leather jacket with titanium inserts by Carol Christian Poell at first glance, and the rock style because the caricature is never very far away ( except if you are immersed in this universe!
If it's a blind date: a blind date
Very common in the United States, a little less in France, the blind date, unlike (Tinder dates) has the characteristic of completely neglecting the physical: in fact, as its name suggests, a "blind date" is a meeting you with a person you have never seen . We then understand the importance of adopting a very “Mr. Everyman” look in this situation. For what ? For the simple reason that you have never seen your interlocutor and you might be surprised at the end.
However, if you told her that you were planning to wear a kilt, there is little chance that she will be mistaken, because most likely, you will be the only one in a kilt in this bar. This unwanted encounter would then be heading towards you and you would have no other choice than to endure this date doomed to failure (and no one wants to catch a pike, believe my personal experience).
Whereas if you soberly warn her by text: “I will wear jeans”, she will have a hard time recognizing you... #TIP
You will have plenty of time to hide, appreciate the beast and judge whether it is appropriate to flee this trap or on the contrary to present yourself in due form (= if it turns out to be attractive!).
The look recommendation:
Techwear assumed.
The “technical” property of your clothing is essential, as it is possible that you will have to run to escape.
- Avoid jeans that are too tight (no need to take out the Kurabo in this situation), which could slow you down in the event of a forced escape. So choose chinos or technical pants.
- Also put on a t-shirt/open shirt combo. In fact, you still have to stay HANDSOME just in case.
- A technical safari jacket, that's if it's raining or spitting.
In conclusion, the key words for a blind date are:
- Technical
- All-purpose (and I'm not talking about the dwarf from Fort Boyard, we agree);
- and BOGOSSE (just in case!).
Note from Benoît:
For now, this is perhaps the situation where I would advise wearing a blazer , just to show that you are at least a little elegant.
If it's a classic date with a girl you met in the evening
Last Saturday, she agreed to take your number, despite the fact that you shook your booty on Kendji Girac and that your t-shirt emanated a smell of perspiration that was frankly not impeccable. You are keen to wash away the insult, in the absence of your t-shirt. Opt for a neat outfit for this first intimate date.
Take out your best shoes if that makes you happy, but don't overdo it either. Your charisma could impress him too much, which would be counterproductive . To help you, remember that the double breasted jacket is the upper limit.
The look recommendation:
Totally Sprezzatrated. #LinoIeluzzi #italianstyle #bello
- We take out the double loops of transalpine seducer. We don't attach the top loop of course (dedication to Lino Leluzzi).
- A little raw or gray family jean, to which you can add a seductive cuff.
- A light shirt. Think about your armpits.
- A blazer to restore your image.
- On the other hand, the pocket square/handkerchief is not obligatory. Unless you have a particularly cold.
Note from Luca:
As Steeve says so well, you have the right to make up for the image you gave to your conquest during your first meeting at Memphis (for those who know).
Of course, stay natural: it's not just your outfit that will make the difference. The blazer is a piece that allows you to forgive even the biggest deviations. Otherwise, don't hesitate to vary the outfits to show him another side of you. Did she see you in a straight coat at that party? It's time to bring out a perfecto! Were you wearing a t-shirt at the time? So choose a shirt!
What if it's a girl you met at an opening?
If you met this girl at an opening, it means three things:
- You went to an opening.
- You managed to nab a number during this opening; you have therefore conducted a beautiful imposture in a complex artistic and intellectual context.
- So you are very talented.
However, the deception must continue. You will no longer be able to go back at the risk of appearing like a little mythomaniac. You will have to pretend to love openings all your life . And dress like a learned philosopher.
The look recommendation:
The “Latin Teacher” look.
- A pair of corduroy or tartan pants should do the trick perfectly.
- The blazer can be swapped for a small tweed jacket with colorful elbow patches.
- A tie with an original pattern to show that you are still a little crazy (despite the fact that you teach Latin at university).
- A small briefcase-type bag to carry your copies.
- A bottle of Henri Bardouin to tell him the following anecdote: “Did you know that this was Baudelaire’s favorite alcohol?”
If it is a work colleague
Normally the unwritten rule “ No Zob in Job ” prohibits us from doing so, but what do you expect, we are sometimes rebels. In this situation, the problem is completely different . It's a first date with a girl you see every day in a place where you're likely to drown your personality in a usual suit/tie combo (unless you're at a start-up or you work in communications').
This first face-to-face date therefore constitutes a chance of salvation to show him a completely different face, that of a sensual, virile and cool man. But it’s also an opportunity to reveal the unstoppable joker that you are.
The look recommendation:
The “Casual Rooftoper New Yorker”.
- Small casual t-shirt like "I don't bother",
- Small chinos with rolled up cuffs in “cousin style” fashion,
- Small glasses from BOGOSSE. Unshaven 23-day beard,
- Small sneakers for sanding down the dance floor; if you take your bride to a dance afterwards (important to show off your skills on the dancefloor for a first date!)
Note from Benoît:
No questions to ask here. She sees you all week in your professional outfit (suit/uniform or very sober and neutral clothes), it's time to show her another side, more relaxed! Leave aside all the slightly dressy pieces (blazer, derby shoes, etc.). She will have time to see them during working hours, and take the opportunity to wear much more casual pieces (chinos, casual shirt, jacket/bombers, sneakers or ankle boots if you are older, etc.).
My conclusion on first date style
You will have understood, if the magic wand of style existed, it would be easy as pie. But no, life is a constant struggle , and you have to take the risk of being misunderstood (like Keanu Reeves whose stylistic audacity did not hit the mark in Berlin last year... #shoesdehobo) .
However, with a little capacity for situational adaptation, you will be able to get away with outfit honors, and let your natural charm do the rest . And above all remember: don't play a role . Stay yourself ! Unless you're all about wearing Iron Maiden sweatshirts and Pull-In briefs that stick out from your pants. 😉
In any case, do not hesitate to contact us on the Steeve x BonneGueule hotline (reachable on Conseil@bonnegueule.fr), we will be able to advise you on a case-by-case basis... #coachingpersonnalisé
May the sprezzatura be with you!
