Summary
The challenges of a first date Benoît's advice: the basics of style for a first date If it's a Tinder / Happn / AdopteUnMec date If it's a blind date: a blind date If it's a classic date with a girl met at a party If it's a girl met at a preview? If it's a work colleague My conclusion on style for a first dateDisclaimer from Benoît:
As you know, we have always loved the blog Le Sociologue, where Steeve Bourdieu paints with great humor (and reflection) his daily life, made up of encounters of all kinds. We wanted to invite him to write on the subject, because even if BonneGueule is absolutely not a seduction coaching site (and never will be), talking about clothes and style without at least once addressing the subject would be very very mean of us.
If, at the base, we wanted to make it a mainly humorous article, with Luca, we finally wanted to combine business with pleasure by providing some concrete advice. Be careful, we are not seduction coaches, simply normal people, with a normal love life, and we share with you our very modest point of view on this great subject that is male / female relationships, through our lives as clothing enthusiasts. That's all, look no further 😉
The stakes of a first date
That's it. After a few months of good and loyal service, your single life may be hanging up its gloves. Tonight is your first date of the year... And we're sharing our advice to make it go as well as possible! Let's look at the following graph together to better understand the issues:
As you can see, wearing outfits that are too vague (like a Scottish kilt) could be detrimental to you. On the other hand, your sense of humor, your good looks and a judicious choice of look are determining factors for a successful first date . As you can see, for many of us, it will therefore be necessary to bet everything on clothes.
The problem: there is no miracle recipe . Too bad.
However, I will still give you my style recommendations to approach this first date with serenity and increase your chances of triumphing.
Note from Benoît:
I would still like to insist on the importance of clothes in the case where you want to conquer the heart of a young lady, because everything is really very relative. Wearing extremely simple and sober clothes has never prevented anyone from finding a girlfriend, and fortunately so! The "power look" is very good, but the day when your self-confidence depends on it, it's too much. Dressing to seduce, why not, but clothes are anything but a crutch: they will never replace your good mood and your desire to discover the other.
And then dressing with a flirting perspective is totally futile, because you will never have a consensus. That blazer and shirt that you love to wear because you think it makes you look "classy", one woman might find it very elegant, while another will find it too strict and too stiff... And even if a young lady were to have this kind of reflection, nothing is lost. Take for example the story of Luca's girlfriend, who confessed to him that her bomber jacket made her look too "young" (while they are living happy days today).
Ultimately, the only thing you can do is dress the way YOU want, with the goal of showing your "real" self, not the one who looked for the best outfit to make a girl want you. Clothes are there to convey your taste and your world, that's how they should be used to meet your future fiancée. (In short, that was the personal development minute made in BonneGueule).
Benoît’s advice: the basics of style for a first date
In any case, here is a small list of essential basics for going out for a drink with a young lady. It's really the bare minimum:
- All clothes should fit and cut well for you, of course. Women hate it when clothes are too big on guys, if there's one thing you should be careful about, it's this.
- I've already talked about it, but be careful with the black shirt . You'd be surprised to see how much this garment can unleash hell in women, who often accuse it of being the Saturday night flirt's garment. It is therefore a connoted piece, to be handled with care. Chambray shirt, oxford, denim, there is no shortage of alternatives!
- We don't talk about it much on BonneGueule, but pay a minimum of attention to your hairstyle . A good cut, a little wax, and that's enough! And take care of your oily hair...
Robert has some hair problems to worry about. Greasy hair = love killer.
- A few well-chosen accessories are not too many, they bring a very welcome touch of spontaneity. A few small discreet bracelets, a pretty watch (not too ostentatious), a micro-patterned scarf, a beautiful patinated belt...
- Finally, be uncompromising about the quality of ironing your clothes. A wrinkled collar that sits on a jacket is not very glamorous. The "ironing" box is therefore to be checked before going out...
If it's a Tinder / Happn / AdopteUnMec date
No matter which dating app you use, there is a good chance that your affinity was, above all, the result of a mutual physical attraction based on a more or less reliable photo . The challenge will therefore be to show yourself off to avoid being disappointing. But don't overdo it: it is also important to remain consistent with your style so as not to confuse your partner on the big day.
Imagine the embarrassment if you sold yourself as a tattooed, muscular rebel and you go to this date dressed - like the ideal son-in-law from Cap Ferret - in a magenta polo shirt with a raspberry sweater over your shoulders and "mochecassins" (= ugly loafers)... Your interlocutor would ask for compensation.
The look recommendation:
Casual style!
- A chambray or oxford shirt. The basics.
- A chino that will hug your little ass.
- A stylish and elegant little HUGE teddy. In order to show that you are a stylish and elegant HUGE.
- A pair of sneakers. Warning: unlike Snickers, sneakers are not edible! #nuance #LOL
Avoid being too sophisticated for a first date. Leave the tie and bow tie at home (unless you work as a butler!). Why? Because you have to show that you are used to going on dates, that this date is nothing exceptional for the hottie that you are... This controlled nonchalance (or sprezzatura ) must be felt in your appearance. That's how you will stand out (especially when faced with a butler who might try to pick up girls with his tie!).
Luca's note:
The first outfit is very important when you meet someone on a dating site or app, it is the first thing the person looks at in front of you. Your outfit will confirm, or not, her clothing expectations on the man she saw in the photo.
For my part, I met my girlfriend in a teddy and white t-shirt. Quite frankly, if you're not over 35, it's a go-to outfit with which you're not taking any risks. Don't choose colors that are too bright if you don't want to look like a teenager. Well, a few months later, she finally admitted to me that she found my outfit too "young" (my teddy was red...).
Note from Benoît:
It's hard to find the right balance in this kind of case. A blazer is almost too formal depending on your age. You'll have to go for the unshakeable "casual chic": a casual shirt, well-cut pants/jeans, a pair of sneakers or ankle boots, and off you go.
Also beware of two "false friends" styles: workwear and streetwear. While we might think that workwear is the ultimate manly style, it is very easily misunderstood by women, who only see it as baggy clothes and slightly big shoes.
Likewise, if streetwear demonstrates your taste for hype and trends, it can quickly become too teenage, even if you struggled to get that Wtaps jacket or those Roar pants (two very streetwear Japanese brands).
As for the styles that I strongly advise against for a first date: dark and rock. Dark, because it's not easy to understand the approach of a leather jacket with titanium inserts by Carol Christian Poell at first glance, and rock style because caricature is never far away (unless you're immersed in this universe!).
If it's a blind date: a blind date
Very common in the United States, a little less in France, the blind date, unlike (Tinder dates) has the characteristic of completely neglecting the physical: indeed, as its name indicates, a "blind date" is a meeting with a person you have never seen . We then understand the importance of adopting a very "Mr. Average" look in this situation. Why? For the simple reason that you have never seen your interlocutor and that you might be surprised at the end.
Now, if you told her that you were planning on wearing a kilt, there is little chance that she would misunderstand, because most likely, you will be the only one in the bar wearing a kilt. This unwanted encounter would then be directed towards you and you would have no choice but to endure this doomed date (and no one wants to pick up a pike, believe me).
Whereas if you soberly warn her by text: “I will wear jeans”, she will have a hard time recognizing you... #TIP
You will have plenty of time to hide, to appreciate the beast and to judge whether it is appropriate to flee this trap or on the contrary to go and present yourself in good and due form (= if it turns out to be attractive!).
The look recommendation:
Techwear assumed.
The “technical” property of your clothing is essential, since you may be forced to run away to escape.
- Avoid tight denim (no need to take out the Kurabo in this situation), which could slow you down in the event of a forced escape. Instead, opt for chinos or technical pants.
- Also put on a t-shirt/open shirt combo. After all, you still have to stay GOOD-LOOKING just in case.
- A technical safari jacket, that's if it rains or she spits.
In conclusion, the key words for a blind date are:
- Technical
- Passe-partout (and I'm not talking about the dwarf from Fort Boyard, we agree);
- and HUGE (just in case!).
Note from Benoît:
This is perhaps the situation where I would recommend wearing a blazer , just to show that you are at least a little elegant.
If it's a classic date with a girl you met at a party
Last Saturday, she agreed to take your number, despite the fact that you shook your booty to Kendji Girac and that your t-shirt gave off a frankly not impeccable smell of sweat. You are determined to wash away the affront, if not your t-shirt. Opt for a neat outfit for this first intimate date.
Wear your best shoes if you like, but don't overdo it either. Your charisma could overwhelm him, which would be counterproductive . To help you, remember that the double-breasted jacket is the upper limit.
The look recommendation:
Totally Sprezzaturé. #LinoIeluzzi #italianstyle #bello
- We take out the double loops of the transalpine seducer. We do not attach the top loop of course (dedication to Lino Leluzzi).
- A little raw or gray jean from the families, to which we can give a flirty cuff.
- A light shirt. Think about your armpits.
- A blazer to restore your reputation.
- On the other hand, the pocket / handkerchief is not obligatory. Unless you have a particularly bad cold.
Luca's note:
As Steve says so well, you have the right to make up for the image you gave to your conquest during your first meeting at Memphis (for those who know).
Of course, stay natural: it's not just your outfit that will make the difference. The blazer is a piece that allows you to make up for the biggest deviations. Otherwise, don't hesitate to vary your outfits to show her another side of you. Did she see you in a straight coat at that party? It's time to get out a perfecto! Were you wearing a t-shirt at that time? Then opt for a shirt!
What if it's a girl I met at a private view?
If you met this girl at a preview, it means three things:
- You went to a private viewing.
- You managed to get a number at this opening; you therefore led a beautiful imposture in a complex artistic and intellectual context.
- So you are very gifted.
The imposture will have to continue, however. You will no longer be able to go backwards at the risk of being considered a little mythomaniac. You will have to pretend all your life to like openings . And dress like an erudite philosopher.
The look recommendation:
The “Latin Professor” look.
- A pair of corduroy or tartan pants should do the trick.
- The blazer can be swapped for a small tweed jacket with colored elbow patches.
- A tie with an original pattern to show that you are still a little crazy (despite the fact that you teach Latin at university).
- A small attaché case type bag to carry your copies.
- A bottle of Henri Bardouin to tell him the following anecdote: “Did you know that it was Baudelaire’s favorite alcohol?”
If it is a work colleague
Normally the unspoken rule " No Zob in Job " forbids us from doing so, but what can you do, we are sometimes rebels. In this situation, the problem is completely different . It is a first date with a girl you see every day in a place where it is likely that you will drown your personality in a usual suit / tie combo (unless you are in a start-up or if you work in communications).
This first one-on-one date is therefore a chance to show him a completely different side, that of a sensual, virile and cool man. But it is also an opportunity to reveal the unstoppable joker that you are.
The look recommendation:
The “Casual Rooftoper New Yorker”.
- Little casual t-shirt like "I don't worry about it",
- Small chinos with rolled up cuffs in “à la bien cousin” style,
- Small HUGE glasses. Unshaven 23-day beard,
- Little sneakers to polish the dancefloor; if you take your bride to a dance party afterwards (important to show off your skills on the dancefloor for a first date!)
Note from Benoît:
Here, no questions to ask. She sees you all week in your professional outfit (suit / uniform or very sober and neutral clothes), it's time to show her another side, more relaxed! Leave aside all the slightly dressy pieces (blazer, derby shoes, etc.). She will have time to see them during working hours, and take advantage of it to wear much more casual pieces (chinos, casual shirt, jacket / bomber jacket, sneakers or ankle boots if you are older, etc.).
My Conclusion on Style for a First Date
As you can see, if the magic wand of style existed, it would be as easy as pie. But no, life is a constant struggle , and you have to take the risk of being misunderstood (like Keanu Reeves whose stylistic audacity didn't hit the mark in Berlin last year... #shoesdehobo).
However, with a little situational adaptability, you can get away with outfit honors, and let your natural charm do the rest . And above all, remember: don't play a role . Be yourself! Unless you yourself consist of wearing Iron Maiden sweatshirts and Pull-In boxers that hang over your pants. 😉
In any case, do not hesitate to contact us on the Steeve x BonneGueule hotline (reachable at conseil@bonnegueule.fr), we will be able to advise you on a case-by-case basis... #personalizedcoaching
May the sprezzatura be with you!
